Inner Radiance

The photo is of my oldest son, Jonathan. When he was in high school, his English teacher encouraged him to submit some poems in a contest. I'm fairly sure it was a contest for young poets sponsored by the American Poetry Society. Two of his entries were chosen to be published. One of the entries is below. In his notification letter, they said a copy of the book had been given to Hillary Clinton, who at that time was the First Lady.

Inner Radiance
By Jonathan Arlia

I wasn't looking for what I found,
but it made me turn around.
It made me stop, think, and question,
in what things I put my attention.

It is love that I am in.
This love of mine has never been.
Flowers die and fade away,
but my love is here to stay.

Though if one thing is amiss,
then it must be you’re absent kiss.
For my love I must admit,
that although my romantic candle's lit,
your feelings for me I do not know,
and rejection from you would cause me such woe.


I've known a lot of girls in my life,
but only your inner radiance cuts to my heart like a
knife.

You have a heart with the warmth of the sun.
Your light over my darkness has won.
All I know is that when I'm near you,
my passion for life is again new.

Your smile can melt a heart of stone,
and your face is the most beautiful I’ve known.
If your soul could merge with mine,
then my life would be just fine.

Getting to Know Me

My son, Jonathan, made up this survey for me; so I thought I would share it.

1. Do you have a nickname you like?
No
2, Where would you like to travel?
Germany, Greece, Spain, Machu
Pichu
3. What are some of your favorite songs?
Bridge Over Troubled Waters, The
Rose, God Bless the Child, God Put
a Smile Upon Your Face, Catch the
Wind, Hotel California, Daniel, House
of the Rising Sun, Dream Weaver,
All Along the Watchtower, When Doves
Cry, Amazed, Everybody Hurts, Still
Crazy After All These Years
4. What annoys you?
Riding on an overcrowded bus, filling out
forms, people who talk too loud, reruns on
TV
5. What are your favorite colors?
Periwinkle, teal, red, most shades of
blue
6. What kind of job would you like to
have?

Working with a small number of young
people, where we could talk out things,
share things

7. What are some of your favorite foods?
Enchiladas, Pizza, Peanut butter and
strawberry preserves sandwiches,
nectarines, Macintosh apples, milk
8. What characteristics do you look for in
a friend?
Honesty, someone who likes many of
the same things I do, someone who
listens
9. Who are your favorite actors (includes
both male and female)?
Denzel Washington, Al Pacino,Matt Damon,
Shirley Maclaine, Robert De Niro, Sean
Connery, Tommy Lee Jones, Bruce
Willis, Nicholas Cage, Susan Sarandon,
Julia Roberts, Meg Ryan, and Tom Hanks
10. Who are your favorite authors?
John Grisham, J.A. Vance, James
Patterson, Sue Grafton, Janet Evanovich,
Nora Roberts, Michael Connelly, and
Nelson Demille
11. What are three things you can't live
without?
Family, books, and music

12. What is your favorite/most interesting
possession?

My computer

13. How do you see yourself?
A quiet, overweight, calm, person
who takes interest in many things
14. What are three things you'd like to
do before you die?
Go to Germany, go back to school
and take a course for the fun of it,
take a road trip around the United
States

About My Life and My Faith

   

     I was born Brenda Maureen in Virginia in 1946 at the Baptist Hospital where my mother had trained to be a registered nurse. 

     I moved around a lot when I was growing up, but spent most of my time in Tucson, Arizona and Albuquerque, New Mexico. 

     I remember going to Sunday school at a Baptist church when I was in the first grade. Then I found out what the little room was behind the preacher with the pretty painting on the wall of trees and a river. When they told me that is was where people were baptized and that there was a room behind that window that had a place for people to be dunked under the water, I got scared and started going to the Methodist Church whereI was baptized by the sprinkling of water on my head when I was 15. 

      When I was grown, I finally was baptized by immersion at my landlords’ church, The Church of Christ. By then I understood the symbolism of being "buried (under the water) to sin and being reborn to a new Christian life when rising up out of the water. 

     Although I sang in my church choir from junior high school through my sophomore year at college, I strayed from my Christian upbringing. I tried far Eastern philosophy, and other belief systems, but God kept sending friends into my life who brought me back again and again to church, prayer, and reading the Bible. 

      was married to a Catholic and converted. I wasn’t forced to. I think the Catholic services can be beautiful, and at some churches the services are full of contemporary Christian music and you can feel the love of Christ around you. I know there are many who do not believe that Catholics are Christian, but I know that is not true. When I was instructed in the faith and I expressed concerns about praying to Mary and the saints, I was told I do not have to do that, so I still pray directly to God wherever or whenever I want. 

     Even though I did marry a Catholic, for a while we attended a Baptist church and I was so happy when my husband decided to be baptized there. Some Catholic churches now have baptism by immersion—very few. Personally, I don’t think immersion is necessary. I think it is your acceptance of Jesus’ sacrifice and your desire and commitment to living a Christian life that matters. 

Recently my youngest son took lessons in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormon) Church and became a member, and now I have joined too. So, I have had many different religious experiences during my lifetime, but I am happy with my latest decision.

Are Ideas in the Air?

     Have you heard the expression "It's in the air." regarding inventions? It seems like ideas for new inventions occur to people at about the same time. The ideas are different, of course, but the invention finally is perfected by someone and we have some new phenomena like, say, automobiles, or airplanes.

     This happens for all sorts of things. A few years back, my son had an idea for a CD that would hold a huge amount more data than the ones we have now, and what do you know, recently I read someone come up with a way to do that. In fact, if I remember the article correctly, there were at least two different ways to get terabytes worth of information on a disc--layers of information. See, my son was able to pick up on the idea, but he didn't have the knowledge or the expertise to make that disc.

     Now, I had an idea this morning about futuristic kitchen cabinets or even pantry doors. You know those doors in the spy movies that you can open with a fingerprint scan or a hand-print? I was thinking it would be really cool, that instead of having cabinet fronts and doors on pantries, we could have invisible shields that would be unshielded with the touch of your finger print (for a cabinet) or hand print (for a pantry). When you got the food or dishes or whatever you needed out of the shelves, you could touch your finger or hand to the sensor again and the shield would go in place again. Why, you might ask would I want a shield on my cabinets. Well, for several reasons. I could keep my cats out of the pantry. Some people might want to keep their little children out of their cabinets. If the shields were tight enough, maybe they could even keep out insects? I'm no scientist so I don't know.

     There, I've thrown the idea out into the air. The concept is probable way too expensive, but it's a cool idea to me. I just wanted to share the thought.

Just for Today

When I was going to Overeaters Anonymous meetings years ago, they had this little wallet-sized fold-out card to keep with us for inspiration. I lost the card, unfortunately, and have been unable to find these inspirational words again until today. I don't know who wrote this, but I think it contains a lot of good thoughts.

Just for Today

"Just for today" I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

"Just for today" I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine. 

"Just for today" I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things I can correct and will accept those I cannot. 

"Just for today" I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer. 

"Just for today" I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path and I will not speak ill of others. I will improve my appearance, speak softly, and I will not interrupt when someone else is talking. 

"Just for today" I will refrain from improving anybody but myself.

 "Just for today" I will do something positive to improve my health. If I’m a smoker, I will quit. If I’m overweight, I will eat what is healthy--if only just for today. Not only that, I will get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it’s only around the block. 

"Just for today" I will gather the courage to do what is right and I will take the responsibility for my own actions.

Just, out of curiousity, do you believe in UFO's?

     The subject of UFOs and aliens have been an ongoing topic of interest around the world my whole life.

      In the 50's, aliens were assumed to be ugly and out to take over the world.

     Then came the movie "The Day the Earth Stood Still" where the alien turned out to be a distinguished looking man who was trying to save the world from our own destructive ways.

In a world-wide hit movie "ET", we learned to love the stranded alien who could bring dead plants back to life and heal people. When I left that movie, I said to my husband, "Gee, I wonder if the government is trying to convince us that maybe aliens aren't so bad after all."     "My very favorite movie about aliens is "Close Encounters of the Third Kind". I really got caught up in the pull of the characters to go to the Devil's Tower in Wyoming to meet the aliens. It was a heart-warming and almost spiritual movie.

     With the movie "Independence Day", the theme went strongly back in the other direction again. In that semi-believable story, technologically advanced and ruthless aliens showed no mercy. They  really did want to destroy us and raid our planet of its resources, only  to to go on to other planets and do the same. That was a great movie, but very scary. 

     The classic story of "The War of the Worlds" was equally frightening, but we won in the end; or rather, earthly biology won.

I really do believe that it is quite possible for there to be other intelligent life somewhere out there in the universe. I have never seen an alien that I know of, and hope if they do come to visit us that they will not come to destroy. What are your thoughts?

An update to my sixties post

     When I moved to Santa Fe, New Mexico in 1969, I occasionally continued to smoke some marijuana, but it was kind of scary, you know, because I could have gone to jail. So when I found out that I could get a "buzz" from wine, I stopped the grass and had an occasional glass of wine. It helped calm me down and it was legal. Years later I discovered Kahlua and Vodka--Black Russians, yummm. 

     However, in 1977, shortly after I got married, I had several grand mal seizures in one day, went to the emergency room and was sent 100 miles in an ambulance from Bisbee, Arizona to Tucson where I stayed in the hospital for a week getting tests. Of course, the verdict was epilepsy, and I had to start taking phenobarbital every day. The doctor said I could not drink alcohol and take that medication together. 

     I have always felt that this was a blessing in disguise, because alcoholism could have been a problem for me since I have an addictive personality. Of course, now that I am now a member of the LDS Church, alcohol, illegal drugs, and smoking are no-no's, and that is fine with me. I wasn't really into them anymore anyway.

How the Hippie Movement Changed my Life

     I was filling out a profile form for a site the other day, and one of the questions was “ “the greatest influence in your life?”. Without hesitation, I typed in “The Hippie Movement”. That surprised me, so I started thinking about that answer. 

     It all started with the Beatles. I was a Beatlemaniac from the beginning. I even was lucky enough to go see them perform in Las Vegas in 1964. As the Beatles changed, I changed in my ways too. I was exposed to the ideologies of far eastern religions. I read “Siddhartha” a story of Buddha. I read about Lao Tsu and his ideas which are part of the Taoist beliefs. I found that these writings gave me a feeling of peacefulness. I was also more comfortable with non-conformists. 

     The last year of college I started hanging out with the hippie crowd at the University of Arizona. I was surprised that they seemed to accept me. All my life I had been shy and usually only had a small number of friends. At that time, the hippies hung out in Louie’s, one of the university’s cafeterias. There were always a few of the group in their usual corner at any given time. Individuals would come and go during the day. All of a sudden, there were lots of friendly people who seemed glad to see me when I joined them. That is where I met my first love. The group often attended music concerts held around town. That was a banner year for concerts in Tucson, AZ. I was able to see The Doors, Jimi Hendrix, The Buffalo Springfield, and The Young Rascals. It was fun to sit on the grass at the baseball stadium with my friends and enjoy those performances. 


     I had always been a totally Christian, church-going, shy and introverted person. Now I was being friendlier and found that hugs were a normal way to greet friends. I graduated college at the end of that year without once losing my virginity or taking drugs. My friends accepted me and never tried to intimidate me into doing things I didn’t want to do. 


     After college, I moved to Rapid City, South Dakota to live with my boyfriend. I admit that the virginity thing didn’t last, and I did smoke pot for a while, but I never took LSD or any other hallucinogens or hard drugs. I’m grateful for that still. We were in a beautiful area. We drove around the Black Hills and saw Mount Rushmore, Deadwood, South Dakota, an old 1880’s locomotive coming around the bend spouting black smoke, and went through Lead, South Dakota which is famous for it’s gold mines and gold jewelry. 


     I got the opportunity to work again that summer as a counselor in the Camp Fire Girls Camp in the mountains outside Las Vegas, Nevada. I had been exposed to the mindset of the hippies and found I was really feeling at peace with nature. So, I left Rapd City, temporarily, I thought, to share this with the little 4th grade girls for a month. Unfortunately, my boyfriend was going through changes of his own and I wasn't invited back. I ended up teaching my own 4th grade class in Bisbee, Arizona.

     That was a tumultuous year in the history of the United States. Robert Kennedy and Martin Luther King were assassinated. There were riots in Chicago during the Democratic Convention. The hippies I knew were liberal in their political views, so these historical events were viewed from that perspective. I am still liberal in my political ideals, but I have never been a radical. 


     In the 70’s I joined an Ecology Club in Santa Fe, New Mexico. There were quite a few hippies in attendance. I was really impressed at how the men took part in the care of the babies, and didn’t expect the women to do it all. Due to the concerns expressed in those meetings, I encouraged the small elementary school were I taught to pick up litter around the school for Earth Day. I'll never quite forget, though, how the vice-principle jokingly called me an Earth Mother, and the other teachers snickered at that.


      I am 61 years old now, but I am still a liberal in my political beliefs. I am still concerned about conservation. I started recycling cans, newspapers, and glass years before the city distributed recycling bins.


     I often wonder if I ever would have married and had children without my exposure to my hippie friends.

My Favorite Job

     I worked for the University of Arizona Main Library for 17 years. It was strange, because the month before I got the job, I went to a job counseling place on campus to get ideas on what kind of job I would like to have. One of the questions they asked was "What kind of work environment would you like to work in?" My reply was a large modern, clean building. Wow, that's just what I got. It had only been built 8 years before I started to work there.
     
     I had several positions there, mostly clerical. I searched a national database online for information on the books the library had received. That information was sent on to to the copy catalogers who then ordered catalog cards.

     Later I had a job checking those catalog cards when they when were mailed to us and made sure the cards were sent to the correct places in the library system. I filed the cards in those big file cabinets the library used to use.

       In another position, I was able to do some copy cataloging myself. By that time, we weren't using the cards anymore. We entered the information about each book directly online which was immediately available to the students--before the books were even labeled and sent upstairs.

      I learned how to make call number labels for the books, to apply them, stamp the books with our Library's name, and put security strips in each one. I taught student workers to do that too. This is called Physical Processing. I also learned how to physically prepare other items for public use like music scores, music CD's, microfilm, and so forth and was responsible for teaching student workers how to do this.

     As a member of a team and a work-group, I spent  time on  committees to help write up goals and processes. Team members were also required to spend time on Information Desks where I helped the public find where or how to locate what they needed by using the library' online catalog. I even spent some time working at the Check-out desk for both books and media.

     I learned how to repair books and taught student workers to do this. I inspected returned books that were damaged and figured out whether we could repair them in-house or if they had to be sent to the professional bindery to be rebound. Then I used a special software program to enter the information needed by the bindery for each book, packaged them up, and sent them on their way.

      Wow, that was a lot of work!

I Know It's Hard to Believe, but I am now a Mormon

Anyone who has known me for very long will be amazed that I have joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormon, to most of you). I was raised Methodist and then became nothing and everything during my college and hippie years. Then I married and converted, somewhat reluctantly, to Catholicism. I didn't go to mass that often, but we did make sure both of our boys had their first holy communions. One divorce and remarriage to their father, his sickness and passing, and my disability, and many changes later, we still were not going to church very often. Then, my youngest son, Chris, started taking classes with the LDS (Mormon) missionaries and was very excited about the Church. He was baptized and confirmed, and shortly thereafter so was I.

Now, many of my relatives and old friends might be sad or upset, but they shouldn't be.. I haven't been happier in a very long time. I actually smile and feel love for, and from, others. I haven't regretted it. If "by their fruits you shall know them" is true, I know I am in the right place.

Our Cats

I have two cats. Their names are Tigger and Princess--I know real original, huh?

Tigger is one of four kittlens my son Chris' cat, Blackie had in our temporary home at Residence Inn November 2001. Our house caught on fire in October and we had to live in 3 different places until the house was rebuilt. Residence Inn was the best. We had a real kitchen and maid service. We lived like rich people for a month, but the insurance company moved us when they received an $8000 bill for about a month. Wow! Can you believe that?

Princess we found in our carport under the car about a year later. She was just a little kitten--probably only about 5 weeks old. We took her in and about a week later, she nearly drowned! We had a large plastic container in the tub where we gave my grandson, Austin, baths when he was a baby. It still had some water in it, and Princess jumped in and couldn't get out. My daughter-in-law's friend, Teri Clark, who was staying with us at the time, discovered the kitten struggling in the water and getting weaker and weaker. She rescued Princess, tried to gently shake water out of her mouth, dried her off, and kept her warm until she was totally dry and acting normal. I will always be thankful to Teri far saving Princess' life.

My grandson, Austin, came for a long visit--yay!

July 2005--
I just had my grandson, Austin visit me for almost a month! He will be 6 years old in August.
He discovered he liked to use the Paint program on my computer, so he made quite a few pictures. He learned to draw shapes, put color as a background, put colors within closed lines. Some of the pictures he drew were red ovals on a black background, Spongebob, a crow, and a spider web. I was impressed.
We went to the library and got children’s books to read about volcanoes, bugs, native-American folk stories, emotions between children and parents, a field trip to an apple farm, and so on. His favorite seemed to be a story about a girl who brought home a penguin from the zoo, and the problems that caused.
He went to a bicycle race with his father. They also went to see the movie “Ratatoutouille”.
Austin called us from his home yesterday and told us he really missed us. We really miss him too.

Trying out New Cookbooks

One of my sons, Jonathan, has discovered the Food channel on TV. Being a great fan of beautiful and charismatic women, he has decided that he loves the shows by Giada De Laurentis and Rachel Ray.

So we went out and purchased a couple of their cookbooks. Last night, we tried to cook a recipe in Rachel Ray's book 365: No Repeats.. It was called Couple of Minute Steaks and Potato Ragout. I had my son help me cook this. If he hadn't been there, I hate to think how the meal would have turned out. As it was, everything was overcooked. It still tasted good, though, except for the steak, which I turned into something so tough, it was almost inedible.

I have about 8 meals I cook on a regular basis, and my son is sick to death of them, so he thought that these cookbooks would help us have a change. However, by the time you go through pages and pages of recipes to pick out something everyone will like, you find out you don't have most of the ingredients. Then you go to the store and spend $18 on things you might not be able to use up before they go bad--like fresh rosemary and thyme. Then you spend one hour+ cooking something that it takes Rachel Ray 15 minutes to cook. It's nice to have a tasty meal, but I'd rather order a pizza!